The need to stop and start all over again

When I started this blog I had big ideas of what I wanted to post about.  Basically it was going to be me discussing how I am slowly turning into my own mother.  Which at this time is still true.  I needed to stop the blog because I just didn't have the drive to write.  In March I lost my grandmother, my mom's mom.  This amazing woman was a focal point in my life and losing her just broke something inside me that made me want to write about myself and my own mom.

You see I love my mom more than just about anything else in the world (baring my own children and husband) and the idea of her aging and suffering like my grandmother did was almost too much to think about.    Then it hit me, life is good and it moves on.  My mom and grandmother gave me some of the best memories of my life and it is a tragedy to no longer document them.

One of the last and best memories I have of my grandmother was during her funeral procession.  It was cold and windy for a Massachusetts' March.  The funeral directors stood in the middle of the road in the long coats and dark suits and blocked the road.  I had never seen anything like it.  The wind blowing the long trench coats, the cars stopped as our procession pulled into the church.  It looked like surreal to me, almost like something out of a dream or movie.  As we pulled in and I watched the scene I had to smile and laugh to myself because for one final time my grandmother managed to stop traffic.  She always made people stop in their tracks with her comments or actions.  Just as my mom does now and sooner than I like, so will I.  I feel I owe it to myself and to my grandmother to continue to share these stories even if I'm the only one who reads them.

There is nothing I can do to stop it

There is nothing I can do to stop it.  I am becoming my mother.  Everyday the karmic gods persist on smacking me in the face with the reminder that I am indeed becoming my mother.  Rather than deny it or try to fight it I've decide to write about it and enjoy the ride.
Don't get me wrong I love my mother, in fact I love her more than just about anyone on the planet baring my own children who are in fact the catalyst that has started this transformation into my mom.  Over the years there have been little things that have come to mind that resemble things my mom might do.  I have done them because they seemed to fit the moment, such as buying generic over name brand or making a certain recipe. They made sense, I figured some of my mom's wisdom actually sunk in over the years.  Makes sense.  Well since I've had kids of my own these little mom moments are coming on full blast and I have come to the conclusion that I may actually just be turning into my mom. 
I guess I've always been a lot like my mom.  I am honest and to the point.  I am open with my feelings and my opinions.  I stand up for what I believe in and will defend what I think is right until I drive others insane with my point of view. Unlike my mom I do tend to use my internal filters and I do try to soften my truthful blows.  It seems that since I had children my momisms are coming out more and more.  Every now and then I'll see my husband looking at me with an expression that is not only pensive but shrouded with fear.  He knows what's coming and he knows he is helpless to stop it.  One time during a conversation my brother in law burst out laughing while I was mid sentence.  "I sounded like my mom"  "You said it, not me".
Oh boy, well I figure to see if this is really happening I had better write about it.  Others blog about what their parents say, I figure I might as well write about my mental roller coaster of becoming my own mother.